Breastfeeding Update

I decided yesterday to no longer pump. My supply had gone down from 2-2.5 oz to 1 oz down to now .5 oz. I have struggled with this decision and had been feeling guilty about the whole breastfeeding situation even though I said I wasn't going to. It's a hard to decision to make because you want what is best for your child and you don't want people to judge you. I've unfortunately always been the type of person to worry about what everyone thinks of me and I didn't want to be looked at as a bad mom.

After talking to a friend yesterday who wasn't able to breastfeed her baby I felt a lot better about my decision. It is not my fault that I have really large breasts and flat nipples. I can't change that. I can't help it that my daughter didn't latch on and the nipple shield didn't work for me. I can't help that my milk supply wasn't as much as I would like it to be. My daughter got the Colostrum which is the most important thing and she received breast milk via bottle for 3 weeks. I can't be mad at that. She had been getting formula since she was born because of Jaundice and it helped her to get rid of it and get back to her birth weight. So formula is the best choice for us.

I'm learning to not be mad about it and know that as long as my little girl is healthy that's all that matters. Liz goes for her next checkup in two weeks so we will see what the peditrician says about it then. Thanks for everyone's support!

My Breastfeeding Story

Warning: May be too much info for some!

I always knew I wanted to breastfeed if I could. I always thought it was funny when people asked if I was going to breastfeed because you never really know if you can or not until it happens. I told myself while I was pregnant that I wouldn't be upset if I couldn't and we would just see what would happen. Well the day came and Elizabeth had trouble latching on. While we were at the hospital we had a lactation nurse come in and she said that she was having trouble because my breasts were too large. I was always afraid of that. I have always been a size D and when I was pregnant I grew to a size E! I even had dreams while I was pregnant that I was smothering her with my boob!

Not only did the lactation nurse say that my boobs were too big but she also said that my nipples were too flat and didn't stick out far enough for Elizabeth to really latch on to. So she suggested I use a nipple shield. That was a little bit of work to keep on my breast and especially with Liz putting her hands near her mouth she would knock it off. I did that for a week and then I decided to pump exclusively. I didn't want my baby to be so frustrated trying to get her food. I try to pump every 3-5 hours or so when I can but I am not producing a whole lot of milk. Our pediatrician suggested me drinking Ovaltine which is supposed to help bring more milk in but I pump for 10-15 minutes and only get 2-2.5 ounces usually. So I have to supplement the rest with formula. We have been supplementing with formula since she was born since she wasn't getting a lot from me and to help her Bili levels go down. I'm afraid that my milk is not going to last very long and she will be strictly on formula.

I have conflicting feelings about all this. I know a lot of babies are formula fed and there is nothing wrong with them but in a way I feel like I'm doing a disservice to her by not giving her more breast milk. Then on the other hand it is so more convenient to just give her formula. Either way I know that it does not make me a bad mom and in no way do I feel guilty about it. I am doing everything I can do and the most important thing is that my little girl gets fed!

For my readers who have babies, what is your story?