Motherhood

It is very hard to write this post because I'm not writing it for my follower's to make me feel better but I am writing it to get it off my chest. I don't want anyone to judge me.

I have very mixed feelings about motherhood at this point. It is a wonderful and beautiful thing to see my beautiful baby girl and know that my husband and I made her. I love to look at her and hold her when she is content. It breaks my heart to see her cry and I just love her so much. I look forward to watch her grow up and to see what her personality is going to be like.

Every since I could remember people have always told me I was going to be such a good mom. But now that I'm a mom I feel like I'm a horrible mother! I have always been an impatient person and learning patience with a newborn has been difficult for me. At about 3-4 weeks old Liz was vomiting a couple of feedings and was really fussy and not being able to console her was so hard on me. She has been a little better since starting on rice cereal with her formula but she still gets fussy. She's not really on a schedule as our pediatrician said to feed her on demand and she hasn't been sleeping very well. She doesn't like to be swaddled and really doesn't like to sleep on her back for the most part. I always feel like I don't know if I'm doing things right and I always worry! I worry every time she gets fussy if she's sick or her acid reflux or is she just hungry or does she just want to be held. I still haven't distinguished her cries yet and I just want my baby girl to be happy.  I need to learn to not sweat the small stuff and to be more patient. I don't know if what I feel is normal and if every new mom feels this way or if its just me. I've had a few good meltdowns since she was born and I know a lot of it is from lack of sleep but I hope that it gets better soon.

I love my baby girl more than anything and am so blessed that I have her! Thanks for listening to me ramble on guys!