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Friday, July 1, 2011

Motherhood

It is very hard to write this post because I'm not writing it for my follower's to make me feel better but I am writing it to get it off my chest. I don't want anyone to judge me.

I have very mixed feelings about motherhood at this point. It is a wonderful and beautiful thing to see my beautiful baby girl and know that my husband and I made her. I love to look at her and hold her when she is content. It breaks my heart to see her cry and I just love her so much. I look forward to watch her grow up and to see what her personality is going to be like.

Every since I could remember people have always told me I was going to be such a good mom. But now that I'm a mom I feel like I'm a horrible mother! I have always been an impatient person and learning patience with a newborn has been difficult for me. At about 3-4 weeks old Liz was vomiting a couple of feedings and was really fussy and not being able to console her was so hard on me. She has been a little better since starting on rice cereal with her formula but she still gets fussy. She's not really on a schedule as our pediatrician said to feed her on demand and she hasn't been sleeping very well. She doesn't like to be swaddled and really doesn't like to sleep on her back for the most part. I always feel like I don't know if I'm doing things right and I always worry! I worry every time she gets fussy if she's sick or her acid reflux or is she just hungry or does she just want to be held. I still haven't distinguished her cries yet and I just want my baby girl to be happy.  I need to learn to not sweat the small stuff and to be more patient. I don't know if what I feel is normal and if every new mom feels this way or if its just me. I've had a few good meltdowns since she was born and I know a lot of it is from lack of sleep but I hope that it gets better soon.

I love my baby girl more than anything and am so blessed that I have her! Thanks for listening to me ramble on guys!

6 comments:

  1. I'm sorry sweetie. I would probably feel the same way, and you are definitely not alone! I know there are other new moms out there thinking the exact same thing! It's hard adjusting to all of this change in your life. Remember, God doesn't give us anything we can't handle!

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  2. Oh, Heather! It is PERFECTLY normal to feel this way! It just seems wrong because nobody ever wants to talk about it. It's not always rainbows and butterflies, it is a major transition in your life. There is so much you go through mentally, emotionally, physically...I remember when I first had my Lily I was sure I was not cut out for it at all. I felt like the worst mother in the world, and other girls who had their baby at the same time seemed so blissful and I didn't feel that way. There were even times that I felt I had made a mistake by deciding to start a family. I was just like you, so in love with my baby yet felt so unnatural. I promise it will get better! Every one has a different experience, and it's okay to admit that it's not always great! I recommend that you keep talking to someone about it, to get it off your chest and let your doctor know how you feel. Postpartum depression is not always "depression" it can also be extreme anxiety. You're a great mother! You will see as the months pass that you will get to know your baby better and you can do this!

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  3. Oh hun! I have been there!!!!!! =) Keep your chin up! It will get easier as you learn her ways and she learns yours! I have had many melt downs and so has my husband (we still do!!!). But it's all a learning experience and you are doing everything great!!!! You have a hard situation with her having reflux and I hear that is really trying for the parents. They have a wedge for the mattress that they make just for reflux babies to keep them propped up. Iris still sleeps in her napper that came with her pack'n play and I'm nervous about her having to lay flat on her back when she grows out of it and needs to switch to her crib! She hates being on her back as well!

    Everything you are experiencing is normal so take a moment to cry if you need to but remember you are doing everything right =)

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  4. Motherhood is challenging, I agree. You are a wonderful mother. It's hard because our lives have taken a 180 and we're all hanging on for dear life. It's terribly hard when they cry and you're not sure why they are crying & what exactly you should do. Don't be too hard on yourself. It's only been 6 weeks. Everyone is still adjusting. I'm always here if you need to vent :)

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  5. Oh, you are certainly not alone! Motherhood is an adjustment, and it takes a while to get used to having this little person that is dependent on you for everything! I think wondering if you are doing everything right is just part of it.

    I think the meltdowns are completely normal too, with the sleep deprivation and postpartum hormones - we all have them!

    Just found your blog, and I'm enjoying reading it! :-)

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  6. I'm sorry you're feeling so anxious and worried right now. I think that it's very normal to worry about your child. I've had my moments when I do that, too. I just keep in mind that that babies and kids are amazingly resilient, and that sometimes babies just cry. I think that if I'm relaxed and calm, Joe will pick up on that and be more relaxed, but it isn't always easy. Don't be too hard on yourself - she's still really young and she's learning how to do things just like you are. I'm confident that yu'll both figure things out :-)

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